11 October 2006

It's been a long time since I last updated my blog. I know there might not be someone that want to read this, but I guess it's all mine so I wouldn't care. We are having some bad air here in Singapore, it's even worst back there in Kuching. Meanwhile, life has been poluted by these bad air quality too I guess. It's so demoralising when I'm still stucked at work everyday with tiring and boring lifestyle.

I was wondering about my new begining. A starting point for another life of mine just can't seen to appear so soon. I waited and waited. I know there is no expiry date for this but I am so impatient now. I want it to happen sooner. Loneliness is still my closest friend. Unlimited amount of complaints are filling my mind. They are killing my patience and my determination.

What do I need now? Where am I standing? I know what life is. But I can't seem to find the right one for myself.. What should I do to make it right?

There are so many things I don't want to leave behind here. I guess I need a lot of courage for this. Leaving behind some friends, family and feeling... I am eagle to fly away, try my luck in another place far far out there for a better and challenging life. That's why flying away is in my mind. New begining might be hard but I guess I shall feel the freshness from there.

What I wonder today..?
What I want for life..?
What I will get..?
I am doubtful..
I am lost..

It's been so long since I think of all these life topics.. I am not sure what the future would be..but i struggle so hard for a better life, looking for the answer that sactisfies my point of view and dream.. I will stay cool... I know I will..

Another Chapter of life

I am doubtful about the meaning of love sometimes. It happens to my best friends right in front of my eyes. It shocked me that their love is actually hurting them. Isn't 'Love' supposed to be wonderful? Isn't it supposed to be making a great and delightful discovery of our lives?

Experiences of life is unmeasureable, love is only part of all these. But it happens to be one of the most important element of life. I know that it hurts sometimes but it somehow cures. I guess after all it's all depends on how we determine the meaning deep in our very own heart, just like how we determine the meaning of our lives and living.

Sometimes I wonder, why am I doing all these? Writting about my thoughts.. Not that I am expert or what, but for everyone out there, life is too short for us to waste. Try thinking of all the people striving for lifes when they suffer from brutal sickness. No matter how painful they are, they strive their very best for survival. This is what I saw from my own sister. She was so young and innocent. Suffering from bone cancer was really a big tragedy for her and my whole family. After we lost her for years, I realised that life should be filled with love. I was young and I didn't understand how much it impacts on my life. Now that I know I should had given more love to my beloved sister but it's all too late (weep). I regret!

For people who are still there with their love one, I hope you cherish them. Don't live your life with such regrets after lossing them. Indulge yourselves in your life and love. Be responsible to the people around you and to yourself. It's not a difficult task but a simply thought and move to achieve. When it's time to let go, let it go.. It can be beautiful sometimes rather than to stay hurt. Love can be so great.. I believe..!!

for the someone out there, I know I am not expect being a judge of what life and love mean. But at least I learn to cherish it and live it with pride.. It's really so sad to have any regrets from any chapter of our life. The most important thing is we are responsible for our own life and we do it with a simple thoughts of loving. Love can be greater that way I believe!


Written by,
Terence c.w.t.
12 Aug 06

As Simple as Cactus..

Nowadays, life seems to be more complicated. As we develop and improve our lifestyle, expectation rises, in the meantime we add complicacy to life without our knowledge.

I found simplicity from my journey last few weeks... it's a lovely cactus belonging to my friend. This cactus sits in the vase a little bit slanted to the window getting light from the warm sun each day. As we live, we always try very hard to make things better and we ask for more. From there, we add complicacy to our life. Cactus needs only water, air and light to live, and it sits there peacefully. I found serenity and simplicity. This cactus looks so adorable here by its' simplicity and the way it lives its' life by just looking out the window...

From Nature, we can actually learn a lot. From this cactus, I realise that life needs to be simplify sometimes.. It's supposed to be easy.. it's simply life..

Written by Terence
22nd July 2006

It's Crazy...
"Football's coming home..."
"We are the champion my friends..."
"Ole ole ole ole.."

All this were sang here.. They are getting frenzy here.. Temperature is HOT .. Everyone is cheering. Flag are raised, a toast of a glass of the German beer! It's crazy! Everyone just cheer for their team winning 5-3(by penalty kicks).. I joined the crowd and it was fun.. Just like a parade here during national day..

it continued until night.. I am talking about late at night. Even it's almost 3am.. You can imagine.. Bottle glasses everywhere..Smashed!! Yo!! Scoccer Rock!! FIFA World Cup!! Rock!!

Written by,
Terence C.W.T..

Germany Finally...

My thought,
my feeling,
and even my whole body is here now.

It's such a fantastic moment,
stepping on the German ground,
that everything seems so different here.
I keep myself smilling like a psycho,
whenever I am now..
It's sound silly but it's truth.

I can't wait to explore this land.
can't wait to see more.

Excitement strikes me each minute...

Written by,
Terence C.W.T..
in Heidelberg, Germany
29th June 2006

MAybe SOmedays

I keep dreamming each day,
listening to the echo to bounce back,
pondering the unexpected,
hugging the unrealistic,
preparing for my sadness to strike...

MAybe somedays...
I will be free like the flying seabird,
fly up high searching for a real dream,
indulged in the ocean breeze,
heading to the new horizon.

MAybe somedays...
You will hold me tight like no others,
fill my heart with all the realities,
whispering the words with romance,
tune up the love songs in my heart,
shower me with blissful moment.

I realised my sadness,
I forgotten them,
I found friends,
I cherish them...

MAybe somedays...
I will be happier than now,
I believe in it..

Written by,
Terence C.W.T.

Far Away

You are somewhere there far away,
now it's further..
I am confused about your return,
in a sudden it's closer again.
Many thoughts in my mind,
I can't manage to configure..

In dream I believe,
but reality kills my believing.
You are really far out there,
further than I ever thought.
too far that can hardly be seen..

I choose to let go sometimes,
I know it hurts staying stubborn,
I wanted to keep you in mind,
your reply seems disagreeing me..
with all the time I had wasted on waiting.
but I don't mind..
I was hurt,
and now I learnt.
It seems like growing but I am still childish.
*I guess..

After all,
I figured out this,
it's all about the paths that I went through,
the memories I had,
it stays in my heart,
sometimes hurts but,
sometimes sweeten my day..
No matter how far away,
you are still there,
right there in my mind..

It works..
I know I loved,
and still love but in a different form..
it's probably "Luv"?
I dont know... but it works,
from me for you.. far away...I "Luv"..

Written by,
Terence C.W.T.
for the someone tha has return differently..

Is it so HARD?

No idea what hits my mind?
I somehow think that why is it so difficult to be me..
Dreamming is my daily routine,
I try so hard to be me,
it ended up with lots of confusions,
disturbing my peace and how I react my life.

Is it so HARD?
To feel the someone is thinking of me?
I doubt this..
Listening to a love song simply sadden me.
Where is the someone that I have been waiting for?
Again the no one hurts me..

unfinished.. continuations..moving ons..

written by,
T.C..

Lonely Again

It's another day.
I had been missing you for countless sunrises and sunsets.
there is no reply,
I am lonely again.

I counted sheeps at night lately,
once a while I began counting your name,
then I reminded myself to switch,
otherwise I would not sleep.

Where is the "you" that use to be?
why is there no replies?
What could you been doing that I am not awared?
which time zone are you in now?

All these questions just flooded my mind.
In a sudden I am lonely again...

Would it be no answers?

We found each other with joy,
spent moment with memories,
even dreamt of each other the same night.

I pay the stars to search for you,
far away from here..
no star returned..
no one had answered..
and then I am lonely again..

I told the sea to send my messages,
no wind returned with any smells,
no wave returned with a bottle,
no echo reflected with your voice,
ONce again I am lonely again...

(To the someone whom he misses. Too far away that he can't reach. He tries so hard but yet no replies. He waited and waited.. Loneliness keeps him accompanied. Days and nights...)

Written by Terence c.w.t.

A Dream Comes True

The reason why this becomes another chapter of my life. Since I was born some day in 1982, I had never thought of this chapter becoming part of my life's adventure. When I was younger, I always wanted to travel around especially places in Europe and I wished if I were to live in a big city. This was because I thought that I would not be so lonely when there are so many people around me. Unfortunately, when I get older now, I finally find out that, actually it is not what I thought when I sort of figured out "Loneliness strikes anyone anywhere!"

Ever since I came here and work in this hectic city (Singapore), I have learnt a lot. I learnt and still learning things that I've never get to experience from where I am originally from before. But yet, I'm still in love with that beautiful city of mine where I was borned. (find out more about Cat City,Malaysia)

This year, I found myself a great reason to make a tour in Germany during the coming summer - FIFA World Cup 2006. Tickets booked and guess what? HURRAY! I am not dreamming, I will be in Europe soon! Eventhough I am still sitting here getting prepared for the trip, I am insanely excited about visiting this country. It might sound a little bit overjoyed to some people out there who might be thinking "What is so great about Europe? Cold weather most of the time!" Well... I'm pretty sure for most of the people that never visited Europe, it sounds really adventurous and exciting. What I am trying to say is most of us just don't show appreciation with what we have, even if we do, we will still wish to have something different and we explore for more. That's when we begin with all the learning and discouries. I am still counting the days when I will finally find another dream fo mine comes true. It would be great, I am sure.

"We get more knowledge from travelling than we do from reading.." It's true, once we travel, we see, we experience, we feel, we sense and we remember. I always believe that once we travel more, we widen our mind. From the people we met, various culturals, colours, languages, life styles and all sort of different things, we learn from there, we get to widen our mind and define the true meaning of "what a wonderful World!!".. Isn't it GREAT?

That is one of my dream, I am great that it is happening soon. I know that there are still long way to go in life but it's such a wonderful thing that happen to me so far. My excitement drives me to be more energetic each day now. Because I know that it's a dream comes true..

Written on
30th April 2006

How do you look at me as...?

Fellow friends, I am desperated to know about this. It simply because I am trying to understand myself here. What kind of person do you see me as? I am open to any comments.
I always think that I am not too bad, but sometimes I find that I am not so welcome by some of the people I know. Is it real that I have all those annoying attitudes? Tell me..
For sure no one is perfect in this world, because perfection is infinite. No formula, and of course it's uncountable. I think everyone is making their judgement towards me for what they see. How true that is? Tell me! *Sigh*
I mean I don't have to care about how the others see me as. I am just wondering sometimes that I am always in some kind of bad luck. Probably not to say bad luck, not good enough for a better luck? or something..
Or do I have too many desires?
So come on, tell me.. I know I am a lot more luckier than the rest, just don't compare. Tell me what you think about me.. I will be great! Thanks buddies!!

Written by,
T.C.W.T
24th Apr 2006
3.00pm

Life..

Everyone has one..
I know it when I find that I am not alone.
After all,
I try very hard to understand what it is all about.
Parents, friends, teachers, relatives, strangers...
Birth, ageing, sickness, dead..
Feeling, loves, memories...

Some people live their lives meaningfully,
how do we suppose to judge?
It is not easy..
It just depending on how you make your dicision in the judgment..
There is always no definitive answer for that,
it changes accordingly to personality,
surrounding,
and times..

Life..
It's so short that we can never count..

To all the people that still don't have any ideas what life is,
Do not force yourselves to find out the meaning,
Just live it..
You can not simply find it out,
you have to experience it
encounter it,
feel it,
and learn from it.
It's a full circle....

written by,
Terence c.w.t.
23rd Apr 2006